Atlanta’s Accidental Herf: Southern Georgia

Don’t Mess With Smokey, He WILL Eat You.If this post sounds a bit unusual, you should know it’s because I’m high. I’ve been smoking the worlds largest cigar all morning. It’s so big, I’m actually smoking it with a lot of people at the same time. A lot of people. Curious? The cigar is the southern part of the state of Georgia. And right now all of Atlanta is taking part of in a giant, unplanned herf.

As a guy who’s all about turning lemons into lemon vodka, I’ve decided as long as I’m puffing away on southern Georgia, I might as well review the experience. Hey, I’d do the same with any bad cigar.

Cigar Stats
Size: Nearly 700 square miles
Wrapper/Binder/Filler: Georgia swampland and Florida
Price Tag: $30 Million plus.

The Pre-Smoke
Nobody was aware that yesterday was the pre-smoke. And as such, I took no notes. There was nothing especially noteworthy about the air quality yesterday, and the sky was clear. Nothing I noted yesterday prepared me to be punched in the lungs with burning swampland this morning.

The Burn
As far as burns go, this sucker is more like a cigarette than a cigar. To say it burns fast is an understatement. This is one beast we wish would go out in the ashtray.

The Flavor
I seriously evaluated the scent on the way into the office. Since it’s impossible for me to know exactly where we are in the burn, I can’t give a third-by-third analysis. I definitely detected wood and peat and something tangy that I suspect was furry woodland animals. The wood part was almost pleasant (if a bit over powering) while the peat was kind of like inhaling Talisker single malt scotch through a straw. The cumulative effect is like a flying elbow to the sternum.

The Verdict
Don’t light fires in your state/province/principality/whatever. Be sure to stomp out your cigars, cigarettes and camp fires, douse them with water and/or urine and bury them. This is one herf you don’t want to attend, and one you definitely don’t want to be responsible for causing. And no, I don’t think the differences in your location will lead to a better quality of smoke. If you do start one, I will personally help Smokey the Bear maul your ass. (He has a passport, so don’t think you’re off the hook over there across the pond.) And taking time off work makes me grouchy, so I won’t be much for polite conversation either.

More information on the fire here, here, here and here. (Yes, I know, I’m goin’ to hell for this post. But if you laughed or cracked a smile, I’ll see you there. I’ll be the guy with the cigars.)

My Actual Cigar Reviews

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5 Comments

  1. May 22, 2007 at 8:01 pm

    [...] The best I can do today is a Simpson’s quote. (I’m still nearly incoherent from inhaling 700 miles of Georgia and Florida.) “It’s true… I’m a rageaholic! I just can’t live without [...]

  2. babychaos said,

    May 23, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    I loved the way you did that.

    Cheers

    BC

  3. Brian said,

    May 23, 2007 at 1:46 pm

    Thanks babychaos!

    It’s one of those things- once written, you wonder if you’ll show up on the news as an inconsiderate arse (and then have to check into rehab to duck the heat), or if people will laugh and enjoy it.

    Looks like I won’t have to do rehab just yet. Though it would give an awful lot of cigar smoking time…

  4. Doug said,

    May 24, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    This is perhaps the best “cigar review” I’ve ever read. :)
    Woodland animals…. I love it.

  5. Brian said,

    May 24, 2007 at 1:39 pm

    Thanks Doug, I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it! :)


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