If this post sounds a bit unusual, you should know it’s because I’m high. I’ve been smoking the worlds largest cigar all morning. It’s so big, I’m actually smoking it with a lot of people at the same time. A lot of people. Curious? The cigar is the southern part of the state of Georgia. And right now all of Atlanta is taking part of in a giant, unplanned herf.
As a guy who’s all about turning lemons into lemon vodka, I’ve decided as long as I’m puffing away on southern Georgia, I might as well review the experience. Hey, I’d do the same with any bad cigar.
Size: Nearly 700 square miles
Wrapper/Binder/Filler: Georgia swampland and Florida
Price Tag: $30 Million plus.
Nobody was aware that yesterday was the pre-smoke. And as such, I took no notes. There was nothing especially noteworthy about the air quality yesterday, and the sky was clear. Nothing I noted yesterday prepared me to be punched in the lungs with burning swampland this morning.
As far as burns go, this sucker is more like a cigarette than a cigar. To say it burns fast is an understatement. This is one beast we wish would go out in the ashtray.
I seriously evaluated the scent on the way into the office. Since it’s impossible for me to know exactly where we are in the burn, I can’t give a third-by-third analysis. I definitely detected wood and peat and something tangy that I suspect was furry woodland animals. The wood part was almost pleasant (if a bit over powering) while the peat was kind of like inhaling Talisker single malt scotch through a straw. The cumulative effect is like a flying elbow to the sternum.
Don’t light fires in your state/province/principality/whatever. Be sure to stomp out your cigars, cigarettes and camp fires, douse them with water and/or urine and bury them. This is one herf you don’t want to attend, and one you definitely don’t want to be responsible for causing. And no, I don’t think the differences in your location will lead to a better quality of smoke. If you do start one, I will personally help Smokey the Bear maul your ass. (He has a passport, so don’t think you’re off the hook over there across the pond.) And taking time off work makes me grouchy, so I won’t be much for polite conversation either.
My Actual Cigar Reviews
- Cuesta Rey 1884 Lonsdale
(Coming soon. I swear!)
- CAO Gold Natural
- Diamond Crown Maximus Toro #4
- CAO Sopranos Associate
- Extra Ordinary Larry (Drew Estate Acid)
- Ashton VSG vs. Diamond Crown Maximus Toro