Yoga: Upward Facing Goldfish

It’s time somebody called it, and it might as well be me. Yoga passed away this afternoon due to complications stemming from excessive corporate advertising misuse. Yoga was 1000 years old.

Seriously though, am I the only person that’s getting really sick of yoga being featured in every advertisement? It’s in car commercials. It’s in advertisements for new construction condos. It’s even in food ads. As consumers, we’re supposed to believe something is good and/or healthy because we see picture or a two-second clip of somebody stretching a calf muscle with a fresh-from-the-bong look on their face.

I hate to say it, but yoga is now a cliche. And it’s becoming an annoying cliche. And that’s a shame. As an actual activity, instead of stock footage, it’s probably really good for you. Especially for rehabilitating injuries and maintaining mobility in your later years. I’ve even done a bit of yoga, and the endorphins I got from it were similar to runner’s high. (*Sigh* I miss runners high, it sure beats the heck out of the cigar spins.)

Of course, I’m not one to talk up a good line without making with the goods. Here, for your viewing (dis)pleasure are a few examples of yoga misuse in corporate marketing I was able to track down today. (Product names removed for your safety. And the legal safety of my blog.)

Yoga and Supplements

That’s right, if you pop our pills, you’ll always have sand on your butt. And if sand in your crack isn’t inner peace, I don’t know what is.

Yoga Elf

A leprechaun in lederhosen doing yoga?! I’ll buy a case of whatever is in that blue bottle!

Underwater People Weaving

And now, the college class you knew was on the horizon, underwater people weaving. A full three credits of soggy people pretzel-ing.

My final bit of evidence of Yoga’s sad passing is an article from a year ago in the online edition of Fast Company magazine. Clearly Yoga’s final descent began when it started hitting the big macs. Though fat and cholesterol weren’t ultimately the cause of death, I speculate that they slowed it down to the point where it could be devoured by schools of corporate marketers.

So can we all please quietly mourn Yoga’s passing with some postures? Assume the upward-facing-goldfish pose. Now the scooping-with-net pose. Good. And now the depressing-flush-lever pose… hold it… And depress. Very good. Nut-mustache.

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Tobacco, The New Pornography

In an idle moment at the office, while deciding which of a number of important work related tasks I should tackle next, I did a harmless search for information on the CAO Gold. It’s a cigar I’ve been smoking and a bit of a moving target when it comes to writing a review. (I plan to write one soon, but it’s going to take at least one more of them for me to solidify my thoughts on it.)

Perfectly harmless, right? Not something you would think would throw up any red flags, huh? Well, you and I would both be wrong. Because, friends and fans of tobacco leaf, tobacco is the new pornography. I present to you exhibit A, which I shall call “Corporate Smokin’ Naughtiness“:

Tobacco?! Blocked!

I’m not going to link to the site in question, because it just might be an odd stogies-and-naughtiness-fetish site. Something hearkening back to the Bill and Monica days. Who knows, I can’t access it, at least not now. But that’s not the point. It wasn’t just blocked for pornographic content, which I would understand. In the above “Corporate Smokin’ Naughtiness” exhibit it is listed as being blocked because of tobacco!

If you think about it, it makes sense. Politicians used to rally around angry mothers to ban magazines and movies of consensual adults doing consensual things being sold to other consensual adults. Consensually. It used to be a good way to get votes. I guess it isn’t anymore, because now the politicians are rallying around angry mothers to outlaw the smoking of the tobacco leaf in any form, in any place, no matter how consensually it might be happening.

Think I’m off my rocker? Check out some recent posts in the cigar blogging community and in the news about legislative attempts to shut down cigar establishments:

There are probably even more stories out there that I haven’t come across yet. Fortunately, some of these bans are either failing, or being thrown out when challenged. The scary thing is this is happening all over the country, and some of these bans will stick.

I don’t mean for this blog to be political. As I’ve said before, I avoid discussing religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin (at least on this blog). And as I see it, cigar smoking is not, and should not be a political issue. If a shop or bar decides to allow smoking, it should have the right to. People have the right not to visit or work there if they dislike smoking. Very simple, right? Any politics there? Nope. Anybody’s rights violated? Nope. What’s the problem? This isn’t politics, it’s common sense. How about keeping your laws out of our lungs?

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